The Power of Small: Why Little Things Make All the Difference

LINDA KAPLAN THALER is CEO and chief creative officer and ROBIN KOVAL is president of THE KAPLAN THALER GROUP, creators of pop-culture icons like the Aflac Duck. Together, Kaplan Thaler and Koval have been featured on Today, the Martha Stewart Show, and Nightline, as well as in USA TODAY, the New York Times, and BusinessWeek, among many others. Kaplan Thaler and Koval each live in New York.

Chapter 1
The Power of Small
We can do no great things--only small things with great love.
--Mother Teresa
Larry was a computer programmer in the sales division of a major San Francisco apparel company. He was the guy who dealt with the data, fixed people's computer problems, and spent long hours creating new ways to slice and dice the numbers. In short, Larry was a self--proclaimed computer nerd.
He would watch the men and women of the sales department and admire their outgoing natures, their easy conversational skills, the way they looked so sophisticated and stylish. Larry often thought to himself, "I can do that. I want to do that." But he had no idea how to go about changing his career path, and he wasn't sure he had the confidence to try. Should he quit his job and go to business school? Should he work nights getting sales experience at a smaller company? Did he need a career coach? He didn't know where to begin. The idea of changing the direction of his life seemed daunting.
Then one day, he strolled into Patricia Fripp's men's hair salon. Patricia was a pioneer in her field, one of the first to coax men out of utilitarian barbershops and into hip salons. Patricia approached her job with a unique zeal and passion. She strove to give every client a haircut that would say something special about him. Often she changed only the slightest detail--the angle of the part or the length of the sideburns--but she was a master. She sat Larry down in her chair and went to work.
Larry emerged a half hour later with a new look. He showed up at work and all the women cooed, "Larry! You look great." At home that night his wife said, "Hon--ey, you look so handsome." Even the young woman at the corner deli where Larry bought his coffee each morning noticed, saying "Mr. L., there's something different about you."
Larry's new haircut and the way it changed his self--perception started a chain reaction within him. It dawned on him that taking even small steps could have a real impact on his life. He bought some new clothes. He started going to the gym more often. He made an effort to smile more. Once he began to think of himself in a different light, others saw him differently as well. When he became friendly with some of the sales managers at work, he confided his desire to switch careers. Soon the head of the sales department offered him a junior position.
Larry not only rose to the challenge, he became the best performer the department ever had. They cut the size of his territory five times and he still outsold everyone else. Before long he was the chief sales executive of the company.
It's obvious that Larry had a natural talent for the business, and he put a lot of hard work into understanding every detail about the merchandise and his customers. His computer wizardry with a spreadsheet didn't hurt, either. But if you ask Larry what changed his life, he'll smile and say that truth be told, he owes his success to one great haircut.
That is the surprising power of our small actions, our subtle shifts in thinking, and our dogged attention to the everyday details in life: They can change everything--our careers, relationships, well--being, and, ultimately, how we impact the world around us.
For Larry, that small transformation became a catalyst for change. Before that haircut, he lacked confidence and direction. He yearned for something different in his life, but didn't know how to create it. He was stuck waiting for something BIG to come along.
The haircut didn't just change how Larry looked; it changed his outlook. Instead of brushing off those early compliments as mere conversational niceties, he took them to heart, and built on them. It was a small beginning, but a genuine one, and for so many of us, that's the most difficult part: taking those first small steps that ultimately lead to a huge difference in our lives.
Small, seemingly insignificant acts are powerful agents of change and growth--if we pay attention to them. Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are constantly told to concentrate on the big things, to not sweat the small stuff. Because of that, we often feel that incremental change doesn't count for much--it doesn't pay off. We celebrate milestones, and ignore the daily victories that herald persistent substantial change over time. As Canadian explorer Jamie Clarke, who reached the summit of Mount Everest step by careful step, puts it: "There's not only power in small, but magic, too."
That crucial message often gets buried in the minutiae of our everyday lives. So we screen, filter out, and gloss over insignificant, trifling details in order to navigate the hectic world in which we live. And there is some wisdom and value in that: We need to ignore a lot of the "noise" to get on with our lives. Let's face it, if we worry about memorizing all the channels on our cable system, or all the arcane instructions from the Microsoft Word operating manual, we'll never get out of the house each morning.
However, in the process of ignoring the utterly useless and insignificant, we have given short shrift to something that is extraordinarily essential--the small gestures, words, and daily kindnesses that speak volumes about our attention to detail, and our commitment and concern to effect change and make a difference. Checking--or not checking--that e-mail again before sending it out says a lot about how careful and meticulous we would be on a larger project. Taking the time to jot a thank--you note to your son's fourth--grade room mother will make a bigger impression than the designer cupcakes you're bringing for the class party. These are the minor details on which careers, relationships, even lives, often pivot.
We often labor over creating long--term life and career goals and planning strategies to accomplish them. But life rarely works according to such a grand design. Sometimes, the small, spontaneous acts make all the difference. That can be especially true in matters of the heart.
A Little Bit of Kindness
Simone and Jake had been dating for nearly two years. In Simone's mind, they were a perfect couple. She was convinced that Jake was the man she wanted to marry. Jake, on the other hand, wasn't ready to make a formal commitment. Every time Simone tried to talk to him about their future, he would change the subject.
As time passed, Simone began to despair. Finally, she decided that she had to take a stand. If he didn't get serious about their relationship, she would have to break up with him. Simone knew that it would devastate her to walk away from Jake, but she saw no other option. She certainly wasn't going to beg him to propose.
One evening, as Simone and Jake were hurrying along the street to dinner, they passed a homeless man, huddled against the icy wind. Simone, who had been wrapped up in her concerns, stopped in her tracks, jarred back to reality by the sight of this cold, dirty, hungry stranger.
"I'll be right back," she told Jake.
Simone dashed across the street toward an open thrift store; next, she went into the deli on the corner. When she returned, her arms were full. Simone walked over to the man sitting on the street. In the larger bag was a big woolen coat. The smaller bag held a container of hot soup and a freshly made sandwich.
"Here," she said simply. "This is for you."
As Jake and Simone walked on to the restaurant, Simone silently vowed to tell Jake that night how she felt. Once seated, she took a deep breath. "Jake," she began, "I have something to tell you."
"I have to tell you something first," he interrupted. And then he leaned over and blurted out, "I don't have a ring, Simone, I'm sorry. But I have to ask you: Will you marry me?"
Simone was overwhelmed. "Why now?" she managed to stammer.
"When I saw you stop to give that homeless man a coat and a warm meal," Jake said, "I thought, 'How could I not spend the rest of my life with someone this kind?' "
Needless to say, Simone said yes. Today, Simone and Jake are happily married, and the proud parents of three wonderful children.
Simone's reaction to the homeless man wasn't premeditated. It was a small, spur-of-the-moment action, and yet it had gigantic repercussions. Her instinctive act of kindness struck Jake like a lightning bolt--everything he needed to know about the next twenty years of his life was right in front of him. With that one act, he learned more about Simone than a thousand conversations could have told him.
"Most couples in trouble think that for things to improve, extraordinary changes, if not a miracle, have to take place," says Howard Markman, a professor of psychology at the University of Denver. Couples have a tendency to think that it's the other person that needs to change. But we can't change other people--all we can control is what we do.
"The breakthrough," says Professor Markman, "comes when we realize that by making even small changes in ourselves, we can effect big, positive changes."
Simone had just naturally done something to help another human being in need--offering him a ten--dollar thrift--shop coat and a two--dollar cup of soup--and the course of her entire life changed. These are the kinds of changes that can take place in our lives and the lives of those around us when we unleash the power of small.
And the way to do that is to learn to pay attention to the right details.
No one better grasps the importance of small details than John Wooden, the first man to make it to the Basketball Hall of Fame as both a player and a coach. In his book, A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court, Wooden points out that seemingly innocuous things make the difference between "champions and near--champions." He would begin the first squad meeting of a new season with the same demonstration, year after year. The demonstration wasn't about showing his college players how to execute the perfect dunk or ...